Dana S. Chisholm

Ten Years Later - September 11th

2011-09-10T09:43:00.000-07:00

From the book, "Single Moms Raising Sons; Preparing Boys to be Men When There's No Man Around"
By Dana S. Chisholm

We will not forget the day we needed God on such a grand scale! God bless each and every family effected - and God bless America.

"Every morning there is an opportunity to teach your sons about commitment and consistency. Did you wake up this morning and the world was spinning out of control? No. And I can guarantee you will not wake up to chaos tomorrow – because God is a God of order. Point it out to your kids every morning. He made the sunrise just for them…every day. Take the time to train them, to teach them and coach them that God is a man to be counted on. Boys need consistency. They need to know they can rely on us and on God. And that takes time. The only way to do that for them, to instill that in them, is to model consistency for them until they live it and respect it in their own lives.

Praying for Firemen
One thing we do in our family is when we are driving in the car and we hear a siren, we take a moment and say a prayer for the victims of wherever that siren is going, and for the firemen going to the call to help the people. We take turns doing the praying, and I pray with my eyes open, obviously. But, we always, every time, stop and say a prayer.

One particular morning we were rushing to get to school because I was running late, as usual. Nate was in his first week of kindergarten and I was concerned about him on the playground in the morning with the “big kids” so I usually drove them and then stayed for a little while to keep an eye on him. Of course I stayed back far enough that they could walk all by themselves. They needed their independence, you know, by kindergarten and fourth grade.

So, I got to the playground with coffee in hand and there were more moms there than usual. “Can you believe what happened?” I had no idea what they were talking about. “I can’t believe those towers came down – they say 50 thousand people a day go through there!” It was 7:30 am on the West Coast on September 11, 2001 - already 10:30am in New York, Washington D.C. and Pennsylvania. I had not seen the news that morning because we were rushing around concerned about kindergarten. Suddenly that wasn't important. I was in shock and refused to believe it at first. Friends had just come back from there and been on the Observation Deck of the Twin Towers. I didn’t believe the moms telling me this. Then they said the words that pierced my heart, “its been on the news all morning – every channel. Didn’t you see it?”

CJ had been watching the TV all morning as I was rushing to get Nate ready! My mind immediately rushed to the boys – what had they seen? I found the boys on the play ground and went to them as calm as I could be and told them that I needed to tell them something terrible and I wanted to talk to them about it before all the kids at school started talking about it. Both boys had already seen the images of that morning. CJ told me that there were no cartoons, so he had watched the towers come down over and over and the people running and scared. I asked him what he thought, and both boys just as calm as could be said, “Mom, I prayed for the firemen going to work in it and the victims they were going to help.” And that was it. They had practiced time and again their disaster drill and when it was really needed, they knew exactly what to do.

Of course, the boys rallied over the next few months just as the rest of the country did. They drew pictures and wrote a letter of encouragement to the President. And we dealt with their anger and frustration at wanting to protect our people. They were little men right from the beginning – ready to defend us all. But, it was the time, the commitment to turning to God whenever they heard a siren, that prepared them to do the same when it was needed on a much more grand scale. We should not forget that grand scale. And help our boys do the remembering for each siren every day. It will be a rock they can lean on when things go terribly wrong. A habit in their lives."

http://www.amazon.com/Single-Moms-Raising-Sons-Preparing/dp/0834123088

So much to do!

2010-07-13T09:45:00.000-07:00

We had a great time in New York preparing for the big move to China! I didn't know West New York was soooo gorgeous! I think I would love to live there on a little farm...except for the winters! Nate and I had a chance to go over to the Canada side of Niagara and get our first passport stamps. Now we are busy packing and saying good-byes. We'll be moved very soon.

Happy Father's Day

2010-06-20T08:12:00.000-07:00

God Bless You My Little Man;
A single mom turns her sons sorrow into years of celebration

By Dana S. Chisholm

My two sons and I found the days before Father’s Day no cause for celebration. Their dad and I had divorced shortly after 3-year-old Nathan’s birth. Living just a few miles from our home, Dad often made arrangements to come see the boys, but then he would fail to show up and leave them waiting on the front porch.

Each day in class at school, the kids were making Father’s Day crafts for their fathers. My son never said anything to the teacher or to myself. He just dutifully made his crafts and presents and then snuck them home and hid them in his closet. He was very good at stuffing things and emotions, trying to make sure everyone knew he was doing fine.

But, one day we drove home from shopping. The boys played in the car with the toys they’d bought. When 7-year-old CJ dropped a piece of his game between the seats, he stared out the window and his lip began to quiver. I pulled off the road, crawled into the back seat and held him as he sobbed.

A few days later, we decided to spend Father’s Day at Disneyland with some friends. Because we would miss church on Sunday morning, we attended the night before. I put Nathan into the preschool class and CJ went to “big church” with me. During worship service, CJ started to cry again.

When the pastor asked all the fathers to stand, his tears gushed.

We walked out into the foyer where I held him. A pastor offered to pray with us in an empty office. Despite CJ’s many sessions of counseling, he said, “How come Daddy doesn’t want to see me? Why did he leave us?”

I cried with him, then we talked. “C.J. you know you have a perfect Father in heaven that loves you very much. He will never let you down, never leave you, never hurt you and He wants you to grow up to be just like Him. I have an idea,” I said. “Let’s spend every Father’s Day celebrating the dad you’re going to be some day. You’ll get presents and cards for maybe 15 years!”

We discussed some of the qualities he wanted to emulate for his children. CJ named the first two on his list: reading the Bible and teaching his children to pray. So as CJ’s first Father’s Day gift, I gave him a dad’s devotional Bible in black leather with his name printed in gold. The next morning when my alarm went off at 5:45 to get ready for Disneyland, I found my son awake and reading his Bible.

Today both my boys have a Dad’s Devotional Bible and every year we add a new trait of God the Father they want to emulate for their kids someday. Many years and many Father’s Day presents for my boys later, they still missed their dad, but they found a new focus. My boys discovered more than just knowing God as a good Father. They are learning to apply godly qualities to their lives as well. That day, C.J. had listed “guidance” as one of the things a good father should give. Now my boys have experienced Fatherly guidance firsthand.

That day, on our way to the Pirates of the Caribbean, I leaned over and whispered to CJ, “Happy Father’s Day.” He smiled , then he ran off to get in line just like any 7-year-old.

And I remembered the words I had written inside his Bible:

Starting this year, Father’s Day will become a time to celebrate you and the father you will one day become. You’ll get a Father’s Day gift (this Bible being the first), but each year, you will list another attribute of God to pass on to you children. Son, you’ll not understand the kind of deep love Christ has for us until you have kids of your own. By then, you will have filled these pages and know what it means to put love into action.
God bless you my little man. I love you, Mom.

Dana S. Chisholm and her two boys live in San Diego, CA and are looking forward to Father’s Day this year. This story can be found in her book, “Single Moms Raising Sons; preparing boys to be men when there is no man around” from Beacon Hill Press

First published “Focus on the Family Magazine”, 2001

Happy Fathers Day!

Cowboys and adventures

2010-05-25T21:22:00.001-07:00

The other day I was checking in on my Facebook friends, and noticed a post by my niece; “some of my great uncles were named- dude, dough boy and chick. I'm not kidding. This easily made my day.” I posted a reminded to her that we also had Top, Laska Sewell, Boy & Man...I even have a picture of Top with Kit Carson. “Kit” isn't much better.

As I thought about it, I come from a long line of cowboys and adventurers, albeit strangely named. What must have gone through the minds of the first guys setting out on a cattle drive, on a trail that had not yet been blazed, to a place they had never seen? Just head north and pray.

I know that is what goes through my mind. I have been a single mom for 14 years, raising two boys on my own. Every day is an adventure. And now, the boys and I have decided to start all new adventures. My oldest heading off to college and my youngest and I heading to China. I will teach for two years and my son will do his freshman and sophomore year at the international school. I often think how will we do this? How will we make it in a place we have never seen? Just head East and pray.

We will learn to cook, with no ovens. We will make new friends, with strange names. And we will step out into the unknown. I'm sure our ancestors, the cowboys and adventurers, would be proud.

I'm Already Behind!

2010-03-08T15:29:00.001-08:00

“I'm already behind!” exclaimed the single mom when I gave her what I thought was going to be a special gift. We were hosting a breakfast organized by our church for single moms for Mother's Day. I had arranged for women's devotional books to be donated so we could give each mom a little gift while their children received gift cards and volunteers took their kids shopping for gifts specifically from their own kids on Mother's Day. I hadn't even noticed that the wonderful devotionals written by a good friend of mine, were dated beginning January 1^st for an entire year. So, by the time our Mother's Day event came around, we were, in fact, already “behind.”

I know the mom was joking, but it was a harsh reminder of how I feel almost every day of my single mom life – always running behind. Take this blog for instance. I had it designed by a talented designer over a year ago, and then life happened and I never got around to writing anything. So, for my New Year's resolution I pledged to write at least one blog a month for one year. This was not so much because I believe millions of people are waiting to read it – but, for my own act of discipline. It is now March. Need I even say it? I'm obviously already behind – again.

I marvel at my cousin who is faithful at her writing (you can read her at See Mom Blog). And while I wish I were her, she wishes she was me and we go round and round beating ourselves up. Is that what women do? Just go back and forth feeling behind, yet growing weary from all the things we do actually get done. Today I got in a Facebook posting back and forth with this cousin. I started sharing the little signs around my house and she shared hers.

“I can only please one person a day - today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn't look good either.”
“Lack of planning on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on my part."
“Dull women have immaculate houses.”
"Well behaved women rarely make history!"
"Never try to out stubborn your mother"
"Faith makes things possible, not easy"
"Do not grow weary doing good for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart." Gal. 6:9

Then I realized, the last one is not just a cute saying, it is part of the awe inspiring Word of God. It is not meant so much to bring a smile on my face when I see the little plaque, but to be reminded about the God of all heaven and earth that wrote those words to me. And that was the meaning of the dated devotional as well. It wasn't about keeping up with dates, or assignments, or getting things accomplished. The devotional was, and is, about finding a tool to help you spend time with the God of the universe. Yes, we are all busy and fall terribly behind. I don't even want to list all the ways I am behind. But, there is no beginning and no end when it comes to spending time with God. We are never “behind” with Him – He is always waiting for us to jump in at New Years or Mother's Day or the heat of August. The key is just sitting down and doing it – even if the first day of the New Year's resolution is in March.